If You Don't Ask, the Answer is NO

Negotiation often gets a bad rap, but once you strip it of its negative connotation you can begin to see that everything is a negotiation and it’s a big part of our day-to-day decision making process. 

Take some time to observe negotiations that are happening around you. Think about the last time you made a big purchase, had to come to an agreement on dinner or watched your kids advocating for themselves. When you understand that negotiation is everywhere, you can begin to see how it works and demystify the process.

Here are our top three takeaways from our TONE Talk with Negotiation Expert Susie Tomenchok:

1. Ask More

You never get what you don’t ask for. Putting yourself out there and asking for what you want is critical. Set expectations and ask questions to get to a clear action plan. Restate the plan and show progress as a regular cadence. Put people in a position so they can ask to give you what you need. 

Be OK with “NO” but don’t stop there - it’s just a starting place for the negotiation. Ask more questions to understand the objection and determine where there may be wiggle room. 

Plan and practice your response to the word “NO” so you are not hijacked by the emotion of the moment - push through and ask more. Remember, it’s equally as hard for people to say no, and oftentimes, we are just not pushing hard enough. A “NO” today can be a “YES” tomorrow so don’t give up!

2. Embody Your Value

You need to believe in yourself in order to be a strong self-advocate. Additionally, if you don’t believe in yourself or your abilities, others may not either and will not advocate for you.  

When entering into a negotiation, be aware of the power structure in the room. Where there is trust, use relationships to build leverage. Try asking questions to get the power to move forward – power is confidence. 

As an example, ask the person in front of you about something important to them, maybe their family or a hobby. We become our authentic selves when we talk about something important to us. Use this as leverage to shift the power and drive confidence as you maneuver through the negotiation. 
 
3. P.A.C.E. Yourself

Reduce the intimidation of negotiation with P.A.C.E.

Preparation is key. Take time to think through and practice what you want to say in the mirror.   Think of the balance in the conversation. Be a good listener and practice silence.

Aware – Stay in the moment and ask questions. Don’t hesitate in response to apprehension. Ask yourself - what does the other party need in order to agree to what I am asking for?

Close – Human nature is to stop just short of a “yes.” Make sure to close out the conversation. 

Evaluation – Take the time to reflect and review the negotiation process and think about what you did well to use in the future.

Finally, coaching can be a powerful tool to help you roadmap and prepare for upcoming negotiations. Your mentor or coach can help you lean into your emotional intelligence and think about how to be more successful during negotiations.

Resources

The Art of Everyday Negotiation Without Manipulation